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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #38 Officer Downe
“Whatever you’ve heard about the Cyberpigs is just rumours. We take our job very seriously. Oink! Oink!” –Officer Downe District: The Pleasure Strip Occupation: Cyberpig. Officer Downe was recruited into the Cyberpigs at the tender age of 18. One night he had visited the Flying Arm Bar where Pat works. He played pool all evening for…
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Cyberia District #6 Roadkill Boondocks and the Hell Fire Crew [With Footage]
The Roadkill Boondocks was clearly and shamelessly “inspired” by the Mad Max movies; specifically Beyond the Thunderdome which had not long been released. Visually speaking it is one of the most interesting districts. All that dirt and decay; it looks like a jolly summer holiday in the jaws of Death Valley. A crew of eight…
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Cyberia District #5 Little Amsterdam
Little Amsterdam is overspilling with junkies, street punks and petty crime. Everywhere the casual visitor turns, they’re confronted with a ghostly grey figure with a bloody nose or a beggar holding out his cap for small change. It should be noted that there really is nothing “Amsterdam” about this place. Anal-World Amsterdam is rich with…
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Cyberia District #4 The Pleasure Strip [With Footage]
Narratively speaking the Pleasure Strip is a small, chubby dick incapable of getting excited. It just hangs motionless, the foreskin in an early stage of rigor mortis. In fact it’s so lifeless that even the smegma can no longer cultivate itself on what has become a pitiful phallic sculpture. There are several reasons for this,…
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Cyberian Retro Futuristic Tech and Gadgets #3 Cybervenom
In such a tech-rich genre as cyberpunk, where everyone is permanently staring at digital monitor screens and committing petty crimes, the Give Me Head team needed to get it right otherwise the whole project would sink. They all agreed that tech implants, personal computers (otherwise known as Ubercomputers in this universe), hackers and mercenary warbots…
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Cyberian Retro Futuristic Tech and Gadgets #2 The Ubercomputer [With Footage]
Another invention that the tech and gadgets team worked on was the Ubercomputer. Back in the summer of ’88, big things were happening in the computing world. The legendary Amiga 500 was ruining the social lives of adults and their children; Windows 2.0 had been released the year before, indicating just how much computers were…
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Cyberian Retro Futuristic Tech and Gadgets #1 The Skanna [With Footage]
A classic example of the Give Me Head employment strategy would begin with suddenly realising that such a monumental television series required specialist knowledge (for example futuristic technology design). CEO Cassidy would tell everyone to assign a “top team of titties” to it. Regardless of talent, specialist area (if applicable) or ability, the people who…
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Neon Nights in Cyberia: The Video Game That Nearly Caused a Mass Shooting
By mid-July the team was still on a high–both metaphorically and literally. CEO Lawrence Cassidy had spent a little over half of his inheritance in two and a half months (with approximately half of that spent on Rayful Edmond’s cocaine). Cassidy wasn’t really counting because he was incapable of it. For him, reality had turned…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #30 Unhinged Maurice
“I’m not risking it, but I think I’m immortal.” –Unhinged Maurice District: Megacorp Valley Occupation: Leader of The Bombay Butchers; a prosperous criminal gang who can do whatever they please. Maurice’s laundrette is used as a front shop for all of The Butchers’ illegal operations. Maurice is both professional and brutal in equal measure. The…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #29 Alberto
“If you want the best crystal pizza in Cyberia then I can get it to you in less than half an hour during off-peak hours. If you want to quit forever then I’m here to talk.” –Alberto District: Little Amsterdam Occupation: Gunther’s drug mule. Alberto used to be a crystal sewer rat, wallowing in nocturnal…
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