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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #48 Skidz
“Awright, guv. Come an’ Worzel me fackin’ bag coz I only ‘ave t’ best Persians in tarn.” –Skidz District: Roadkill Boondocks (surely?) Occupation: This dipshit marks the beginning of a cruel end. The only information we have on this sad, playable character is–just to rub salt in the wounds–a resignation letter we’ve found dated August…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #46 Ted
“[Insert Whatever]” -Ted District: The Pleasure Strip Occupation: Who knows? We have virtually nothing to go on with this playable character. Ted’s more like an NPC from the Commodore 64 era; just some monotone polygon stain floating around an empty purple wasteland as it tries to hunt another monotone polygon stain that’s a different shape.…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #45 Lord Garf
“I won’t stop until I’m bigger than God.” -Lord Garf District: Megacorp Valley Occupation: CEO of SKARS Corp and cluster headache for Scotch Mike. Let’s face it: the last four playable characters have been rubbish. But from famine to feast, we arrive at Lord Garf. We already knew that this playable character was going to…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #43 Masher
“Brad will pay with his life for what he did to my beloved Fifi. But only after I’ve chopped his nuts off with a particularly blunt cleaver.” -Masher District: The Pleasure Strip Occupation: Brad Hunter. Masher is a loner who has spent the last few years of his life intent on avenging the death of…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #42 Wizer
“I’m more intelligent than Barry Kasparov.” -Wizer District: Little Amsterdam Occupation: Propaganda Factory for the Cyberian Underground Insurgent Network Terrorists (CUINT). Wizer is our final playable character recruited by the CUINT (following Keith, Gibbo and Ralph Nasty). He is also, according to some sketches we found, “part genius, part Warbot“. However, the Warbot part has…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #41 NoCanDo
“I prefer snake to sap.” –NoCanDo District: Megacorp Valley Occupation: “Team leader” of the Bombay Butchers. We are 99% certain that “team leader” means capo, but the unknown employee who worked on him couldn’t be bothered to research this detail and has subsequently made a spectacular blunder. Or, most likely, their heart just wasn’t in…
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Cyberia Location #3 Cyberia Zoo [With Footage]
As we have seen elsewhere, when CEO Cassidy first saw his bank balance post-inheritance, he began to throw a ton of money at various early projects. The most expensive of the lot was the Cyberia Zoo. We have absolutely no clue why anyone would think this was a good idea. Such a location is wildly…
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Give Me Head Productions Part #2 [June + July]
At the start of June, Give Me Head HQ looked like an office which had been sculptured into a monthlong rave. There were a number of employees who still didn’t have a clue what they were supposed to be doing. They would come to the office each morning, smoke a spliff and pretend they were…
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CEO Lawrence Cassidy’s Biography: Putting the Silly Con into Silicon
“Life is like a game of chess. It goes on too long.”–CEO Cassidy Lawrence Cassidy is something of a maverick. Before the Give Me Head madness, he had lived what most folks would call a privileged life. But Lawrence would beg to differ. His father, Malcolm Cassidy, took full advantage of the stock markets in…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #40 Gibbo
“Comrade Nasty should be supreme leader because he’s not afraid to kill people for the cause. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.” –Gibbo District: Little Amsterdam Occupation: First Lieutenant of the Algorithm Saboteur Unit. Gibbo is the right-hand man of Ralph Nasty. He believes that Nasty is the only fella who can…
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