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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #41 NoCanDo
“I prefer snake to sap.” –NoCanDo District: Megacorp Valley Occupation: “Team leader” of the Bombay Butchers. We are 99% certain that “team leader” means capo, but the unknown employee who worked on him couldn’t be bothered to research this detail and has subsequently made a spectacular blunder. Or, most likely, their heart just wasn’t in…
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Cyberia Location #3 Cyberia Zoo [With Footage]
As we have seen elsewhere, when CEO Cassidy first saw his bank balance post-inheritance, he began to throw a ton of money at various early projects. The most expensive of the lot was the Cyberia Zoo. We have absolutely no clue why anyone would think this was a good idea. Such a location is wildly…
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Give Me Head Productions Part #2 [June + July]
At the start of June, Give Me Head HQ looked like an office which had been sculptured into a monthlong rave. There were a number of employees who still didn’t have a clue what they were supposed to be doing. They would come to the office each morning, smoke a spliff and pretend they were…
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CEO Lawrence Cassidy’s Biography: Putting the Silly Con into Silicon
“Life is like a game of chess. It goes on too long.”–CEO Cassidy Lawrence Cassidy is something of a maverick. Before the Give Me Head madness, he had lived what most folks would call a privileged life. But Lawrence would beg to differ. His father, Malcolm Cassidy, took full advantage of the stock markets in…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #40 Gibbo
“Comrade Nasty should be supreme leader because he’s not afraid to kill people for the cause. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.” –Gibbo District: Little Amsterdam Occupation: First Lieutenant of the Algorithm Saboteur Unit. Gibbo is the right-hand man of Ralph Nasty. He believes that Nasty is the only fella who can…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #39 Ninj
“I’d beat Joey Knuckles in a fight. And by ‘beat’ I mean beat his brains until they look like a ground meat smoothie.” -Ninj District: Megacorp Valley Occupation: Mixed martial artsist who has trained extensively in raging butterfly kicking box (a spelling blunder which should of course read kick boxing). Ninj is a force to…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #38 Officer Downe
“Whatever you’ve heard about the Cyberpigs is just rumours. We take our job very seriously. Oink! Oink!” –Officer Downe District: The Pleasure Strip Occupation: Cyberpig. Officer Downe was recruited into the Cyberpigs at the tender age of 18. One night he had visited the Flying Arm Bar where Pat works. He played pool all evening for…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #37 Clarence
“I’m just a taxi driver.” –Clarence District: The Pleasure Strip Occupation: Taxi driver. So where have we seen this fella before? That’s right! It’s only the same fella who plays the almost equally terrible Hanz. We’re not entirely sure why this character exists. There’s nothing linking him to any other character in the Cyberia Universe.…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #36 Finderz
“I can’t wait to be a metropunk.” –Finderz District: Roadkill Boondocks Occupation: Dissident member of the Hell Fire Crew. Like Gordon, Finderz had wanted to be free from the Hell Fire Crew for quite some time. His older brother, Drax, is also a member. However, Drax has signed on the dotted line in blood which…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #35 Ralph Nasty
“If we don’t bring down the shadowy Cyberia Council immediately, the whole planet will soon shit the bed and we will have to roll around in it forever.” –Ralph Nasty District: Little Amsterdam Occupation: Code Commander for the Cyberian Underground Insurgent Network Terrorists. Ralph is one of the mouthiest and most militant members of the…
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