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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #50 Mr Kazuki
And finally we arrive at the last collectors’ card. Mr Arthur Kazuki is the only person in Cyberia who lived during the Anal-World times. He is one of the founding fathers of SKARS Corp which, as we now know, was a completely different corporation back in the day. Something similar to the British NHS but…
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Give Me Head Productions Part #3 [August + September]
What began as one man’s battle cry of ambition ended as a whimper of bewilderment by the very same man. What’s even worse is that it was less than five months between the two. If we return to that first ever phone call between CEO Cassidy and best buddy Charlie Ryba, hit the pause button…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #49 McPervis
“Stuff.” –McPervis District: Greaser Suburbs (maybe…) Occupation: This is the penultimate playable character in this collection. And just like Skidz, there’s nothing much to tell you. We suspect that McPervis was going to be a member of the greaser gang alongside Barry X et al. He probably loved muscle cars, drinking turnip cider, beating up…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #48 Skidz
“Awright, guv. Come an’ Worzel me fackin’ bag coz I only ‘ave t’ best Persians in tarn.” –Skidz District: Roadkill Boondocks (surely?) Occupation: This dipshit marks the beginning of a cruel end. The only information we have on this sad, playable character is–just to rub salt in the wounds–a resignation letter we’ve found dated August…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #47 Count Maxim
“Fuck you and die.” –Count Maxim District: The Russian Quarter Occupation: Russian mafia boss who owns the Love Bites brothel and Rasputin’s Nightclub. You might already know by now that Count Maxim was born into a post-Soviet baby farm somewhere in Chernenkograd, Russia. Barely sentient, he didn’t know at the time that another Russian native…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #46 Ted
“[Insert Whatever]” -Ted District: The Pleasure Strip Occupation: Who knows? We have virtually nothing to go on with this playable character. Ted’s more like an NPC from the Commodore 64 era; just some monotone polygon stain floating around an empty purple wasteland as it tries to hunt another monotone polygon stain that’s a different shape.…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #45 Lord Garf
“I won’t stop until I’m bigger than God.” -Lord Garf District: Megacorp Valley Occupation: CEO of SKARS Corp and cluster headache for Scotch Mike. Let’s face it: the last four playable characters have been rubbish. But from famine to feast, we arrive at Lord Garf. We already knew that this playable character was going to…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #44 X-40-DD-9Y-1
“Beep beep kill beep beep” -X-40-DD-9Y-1 District: Little Amsterdam Occupation: Unknown. Although “unknown” sounds mysterious, we mean it literally. We have no idea who this fella is supposed to be and we can’t find any other related material. Based on his location in Cyberia, we suspect that he was going to be woven into the…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #43 Masher
“Brad will pay with his life for what he did to my beloved Fifi. But only after I’ve chopped his nuts off with a particularly blunt cleaver.” -Masher District: The Pleasure Strip Occupation: Brad Hunter. Masher is a loner who has spent the last few years of his life intent on avenging the death of…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #42 Wizer
“I’m more intelligent than Barry Kasparov.” -Wizer District: Little Amsterdam Occupation: Propaganda Factory for the Cyberian Underground Insurgent Network Terrorists (CUINT). Wizer is our final playable character recruited by the CUINT (following Keith, Gibbo and Ralph Nasty). He is also, according to some sketches we found, “part genius, part Warbot“. However, the Warbot part has…
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