“Life is like a game of chess. It goes on too long.”–CEO Cassidy

Lawrence Cassidy is something of a maverick. Before the Give Me Head madness, he had lived what most folks would call a privileged life. But Lawrence would beg to differ.

His father, Malcolm Cassidy, took full advantage of the stock markets in the ’70s and again during the ’80s boom. He lived with his family in a huge mansion and drove a Cadillac Fleetwood everywhere he went. Lawrence’s mother, Barbara, was much younger than Malcolm which won her the unfair accusation of being a luxury leech.

So far, so booooring. But there’s no doubting that these early experiences triggered a lifelong struggle for being liked. The following partly explains a lot about Lawrence’s behaviour in later life.

Wasted Youth

When Lawrence moved into his teenage years, his relationship with his old man began to sour. No matter what he did, he could never seem to win his approval. To the contrary, his father was a misery guts. He would routinely remind Lawrence that he was once chucked out of the cub scouts because he spent his first trip hysterically crying as he didn’t want to go outside in the rain.

Although Lawrence’s father was a stone cold stickler, he still financially supported his son throughout his life. He even funded Lawrence’s failed attempt at getting a business degree. Lawrence flunked the second year after developing a taste for cocaine and getting arrested for possession.

After a stint in an expensive bullshit rehab, which was more like a five star wellness retreat, Lawrence went back out into the world as a rejuvenated, well pampered, rampant drug addict hell bent on trying to succeed in something new. He bumbled around some high flying jobs which he only got on account of who his father was. None lasted for longer than six months.

Meanwhile his father had taken a turn for the worst. He was diagnosed with aggressive pancreatic cancer in March ’87 and by September of the same year he had passed away, leaving Lawrence and his mother devastated.

Lawrence inherited six million dollars from his father’s estate. The first thing he did was contact his only friend Charlie Ryba.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” Ryba said when realising who had called him.

“Fuck all that,” Lawrence said. “I’ve just found out that I’ve inherited six million dollars!”

“Six million?”

“I’m finally going to make him proud, Charlie. I’m finally going to make him so fucking proud!”

“How do you plan on doing that?”

“Fuck knows right now. I’m thinking big, though. Maybe a movie or some shit.”

“What do you mean maybe a movie?”

“I’m going to make a fucking movie!”

“Hold on a sec,” Charlie said. “You’re going to spend your inheritance money making a movie in an attempt to make your old man proud even though he’s incapable of watching it because he’s… dead.”

“That’s right,” Lawrence said.

“Are you high?”

“High on life. But yeah, high on Silicon snow too.”

“Listen, Lawrence; give me a call in a couple of days when it’s out of your system and we’ll talk about it again. Sound cool?”

“Sounds cool, brother, and in the meantime I’ll pick a genre. The exploding robots genre or some shit.”

“You do that, man.”

Charlie hung up the phone and replayed parts of the conversation in his head all evening.

“This isn’t going to end well.”

***

Lawrence didn’t get a wink of sleep for several days. He spent the whole time trying to nail an idea for a movie while creaming off the top of his inheritance, spending his first couple of grand on premium cocaine and scotch.

Before crashing out for a few hours, he lay on his bathroom floor, watching as the patterns on the ceiling pulsed at him.

At precisely this moment he said to the celing: ‘A TV production, old man. I’m going to make the greatest TV production of all time. There’ll be huge explosions and hot women everywhere and endless partying. Everyone will love me and hopefully you will too.”

***

After a gruelling weekend comedown, Lawrence called up Charlie again.

“It’ll be the best TV production ever! A fucking revolution!”

“So what’s it going to be about, man?”

“It’s going to be full of cool explosions and hot futuristic women.”

“Like a suffragette space opera?”

“Fuck no! It’s going to be sci-fi but everyone is a character. You know that game which nerds play? The one where they role dice and argue over which corridor they should walk down?”

“Oh, you mean Dungeons and Dragons.”

“Well that but crossed with Blade Runner.”

“So you mean a cyberpunk series?”

“Exactly! But the audience can actually play along at home.”

At this point Charlie should’ve asked how that would even work, but instead he said: “I’m not going to lie, Lawrence, this sounds outrageously cool.”

“You see, Charlie? And I’ve literally just freestyled this whole concept while on the phone to you. It’s like I was born to do this, man!”

“No shit,” Charlie said.

“And naturally, Charlie, I don’t want to get all soppy with you. You already know how much your friendship means to me. I want you to be my Robin.”

“Your Robin?”

“As in Batman and Robin. But really I mean my personal assistant so we can get some good vibrations going on.”

“Count me in!”

A couple of months pass and they begin to make some moves. In those first few weeks Lawrence begins to chuck obscene amounts of money at the project and it soon feels like it’s all going somewhere beautiful. In fact Charlie thought to himself that no matter what happens, if Lawrence just keeps chucking money at it then eventually he’ll buy his way out of any problem they face.

Little did he know how quickly the situation would deteriorate.

***

In no time Lawrence had rented a rundown office space in Silicon Valley and was holding auditions to hire just about anyone who had even a modicum of experience with producing TV shows. When that proved difficult to come by, they began to broaden the parameters to anyone who knew anyone who had some experience.

Meanwhile Charlie tailed him wherever he went, agreeing with everything he said. We believe that this wasn’t because he was promised a life changing amount of money “to be paid at a later date”; it’s because he began to believe that Lawrence was in fact a genius.

Truth is Lawrence’s habit had become even more savage since his father passed. Each snort across the mirror took him further away from having to confront his father’s disappointment in him. The inevitable crash was coming and no amount of cocaine was going to provide a seat belt.

Furthermore Lawrence also began to think that he was some kind of superhero. The sad truth is that he was mistaking his immense spending power with some sort of magical power. The many obstacles that came up on a daily basis were swatted away with a baseball bat made from rolled up 100 dollar banknotes.

However, the money was finite. Soon the wheels were punctured, and soon after they began to fall off before the engine gave out entirely. Until then Lawrence would refuse to look at the mess he was creating.

UPDATE WITH FOOTAGE [28/10/2025:

We have unearthed new footage of Lawrence Cassidy. Details to follow…

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