Duncan “Dildo Master” Marshall had just finished a gruelling internship at a New York advertising agency. He was waiting for an appointment at a careers office, browsing the classifieds of a Visit the Golden State tourism pamphlet when something caught his eye:

Calling all marketing mavericks!

Our fresh new team is looking for somebody capable of marketing dildos to convents. So long as you believe that this describes your character–master of the dildo sales–then we will give you a job (not by mouth, guffaw!)

Give Me Head Productions

After calling the number and making a good impression, the team agreed to fly Dunc out for an interview and told him to bring enough clothes for the summer.

When he finally got to the interview room several days later, CEO Cassidy and his sidekick Charlie Ryba stood up right away.

“Can you believe it?” Cassidy said.

“Believe what?” Dunc said, a little puzzled.

“I ain’t even shook your hand and you’ve already got the job.”

Dunc looked over his shoulders. “Seriously?”

“As serious as a testicular lump,” Charlie said. “You are the Dildo Master.”

“You got me on Candid Camera or some shit?”

“Don’t get too excited, kid. You haven’t seen the small print.”

After hearing out his interviewers, Dunc grumbled and groaned, and said yes so long as they can at least provide free accommodation for the summer. Charlie promised his remaining spare room (the other two were already taken), and so Dunc was ready to rumble.

Dunc turned out to be another valuable member of the Give Me Head team. He brought more experience than most when it came to translating ideas scribbled on notepads into something tangible.

The above images are examples of his keen eye for marketing slogans and campaigns. It was only because of a rapidly decreasing budget that his ideas were later reduced to garbage.

His contribution to the Cyberia Universe is coming up with the megacorp Chipmunk, whose ingenious slogan was: “Munkey Chips for Chipmunks.”

From the snippets of notes we have restored and read, it appears that Chipmunk was another evil tech company. They manufactured and surgically installed computer chips which allowed subscribers to enter a virtual reality playground where you could spend your candy on gambling. The only stickler is that everything in this utopia costs a fortune and is more addictive than Gunther’s crystal pizza.

When Dunc was flying back to the East Side at the end of one long crazy summer, wondering what the fuck just happened, he decided it was best not to tell a soul that he had once worked for Give Me Head Productions.

We believe that Dunc went on to have a successful career working for a New York advertising agency. However, he changed his name just to be double sure that no Silicon vampire would ever be able to hunt him down.

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