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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #46 Ted
“[Insert Whatever]” -Ted District: The Pleasure Strip Occupation: Who knows? We have virtually nothing to go on with this playable character. Ted’s more like an NPC from the Commodore 64 era; just some monotone polygon stain floating around an empty purple wasteland as it tries to hunt another monotone polygon stain that’s a different shape.…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #43 Masher
“Brad will pay with his life for what he did to my beloved Fifi. But only after I’ve chopped his nuts off with a particularly blunt cleaver.” -Masher District: The Pleasure Strip Occupation: Brad Hunter. Masher is a loner who has spent the last few years of his life intent on avenging the death of…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #38 Officer Downe
“Whatever you’ve heard about the Cyberpigs is just rumours. We take our job very seriously. Oink! Oink!” –Officer Downe District: The Pleasure Strip Occupation: Cyberpig. Officer Downe was recruited into the Cyberpigs at the tender age of 18. One night he had visited the Flying Arm Bar where Pat works. He played pool all evening for…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #37 Clarence
“I’m just a taxi driver.” –Clarence District: The Pleasure Strip Occupation: Taxi driver. So where have we seen this fella before? That’s right! It’s only the same fella who plays the almost equally terrible Hanz. We’re not entirely sure why this character exists. There’s nothing linking him to any other character in the Cyberia Universe.…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #34 Brad
“I used to be foolhardy just like you. But I found a way out through voluntary work in the local community.” –Brad District: The Pleasure Strip Occupation: Ex-Cyberpig turned square head good guy. Before signing up to be a scumbag cop, Brad was a scumbag full stop. In his youth, he was a huge fan…
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Introducing Daddy Swank
“Even when I take a dump, my worshippers offer to buy the toilet bowl for extortionate prices.” –Daddy Swank If You Thought AI Art Was Taking the Piss… Daddy Swank is a non-playable character who owns the Swank Gallery; a crucial location in Cyberia where players can try to earn extra candy by buying and…
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Cyberia Location #2: The Swank Gallery
The Swank Gallery, located in the Pleasure Strip, is one of several almost prophetic concepts which the Give Me Head team accidentally came up with (for another example take a look at the visionary Candy Coins dreamt up by Myra Lippit). It was going to be a fully functioning marketplace for buying and selling weird…
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Cyberia District #4 The Pleasure Strip [With Footage]
Narratively speaking the Pleasure Strip is a small, chubby dick incapable of getting excited. It just hangs motionless, the foreskin in an early stage of rigor mortis. In fact it’s so lifeless that even the smegma can no longer cultivate itself on what has become a pitiful phallic sculpture. There are several reasons for this,…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #26 Irene
“I know I’m sexy to the average Sap, but I ain’t no sexbot.” -Irene District: The Pleasure Strip Occupation: Nightclub flirt. Irene is another employee of the Hanz empire. In an unashamedly sexist way, her job is to flirt with idiot metropunks and ask them to buy her a drink. If she hits the jackpot…
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Cyberia Collectors’ Card #25 Tosh
“Every day is a blessing when you’ve escaped the Roadkill Boondocks. That place is total trash.” -Tosh District: Formerly Roadkill Boondocks, now the Pleasure Strip Occupation: Cloak room attendant at Hanz’s D-gen Casino. Tosh was accidentally born and abandoned in the godawful Roadkill Boondocks; a place so poor that people would fight to the death…
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