What began as one man’s battle cry of ambition ended as a whimper of bewilderment by the very same man. What’s even worse is that it was less than five months between the two. If we return to that first ever phone call between CEO Cassidy and best buddy Charlie Ryba, hit the pause button and took a brain scan, we can only imagine what was going through Cassidy’s head.

Back then Cassidy had just come into an obscene amount of money which was more than he could ever spend in a lifetime. Most people would meticulously plan their dream life and go play golf in the sunshine or whatever else they saw as the high life. But not Cassidy.

To be fair, we now know that his upbringing was pretty shit by most measures. His old man seemed to despise him for no reason and so after his passing, Cassidy felt that making him proud was more important than anything.

However, we also think that, owed to his naivety, Cassidy presumed that this huge pile of money would stretch across a good number of years while he figured out how to finish the Cyberia project. He was in so much denial regarding his drug use that he didn’t think to run those numbers when the very first problem arose. This, coupled with a lack of serious planning, became a huge disaster.

As we have seen throughout this project, it didn’t take long for employees to begin fighting and falling out. A fair few disappeared without a trace and some quit in less than 24 hours (one of which you can read about here). It’s therefore no great surprise that by the last few weeks, most of those who had stayed did so because they had nowhere else to go and/or had developed a major drug habit courtesy of El Sapo’s gourmet catering service.

The last few weeks were particularly grim. Not only had key employees disappeared into thin air, but it was clear that not one aspect of the project was close to being finished. Even Ryba was in hiding, presumably having a nervous breakdown.

Despite the daily meetings, office based work still existed on paper and in the heads of employees who couldn’t agree on anything. Those out-of-office folks responsible for acting, directing and producing had only half-finished scenes which, lacking any narrative or context, were ridiculous.

So in the last couple of weeks, out of raw desperation, Cassidy assembled a group of elite office monkeys to review everything that had been recorded and try to pull together a pilot episode and a trailer.

“I don’t care how fucking ridiculous we look, you have to come up with something.”

We don’t know who was in that group, but we do know that they immediately figured it was nigh on impossible to stitch together a pilot from the material they had.

These are summaries of–in their own words– several scenes which they watched on repeat, battering their heads, trying to find a way of using:

• [Zoo Reel, 42 min in, 1 min 4 sec clip] A lady walking past a lime coloured neon elephant. Her pace is painfully slow and she looks bored but the set looks complete. You can hear the cameraman or director telling somebody to shut up and fuck off which could be dubbed out.
• [Boondocks Reel, 1h and 34 min in, 15 sec clip] Outtake of a robot aimlessly walking around a desert. The actor is clearly trying to get used to the suit in a scorching desert climate. It could be used to show an apocalyptic future in thirty years’ time.
• [SKARS Reel, 13 min in, 47 sec clip] A bald android wearing a futuristic gown. Looks like he’s about to get into a martial arts showdown with somebody off camera. Lots of clanging around in the background. Could be used for an introduction perhaps? *We think they’re talking about the above image but from behind the camera.
• [Character Reel A-G, 4 min in, 51 sec clip] Actor Jakob Sando playing Gunther. Sando is looking mean while he talks to somebody off camera. There’s no background noise. However, the warehouse behind him doesn’t look particularly cyberpunk. You can see stacks of cardboard boxes in the corner owed to a complete absence of set design experience. P.s If anyone reads this in the future, just know that Cassidy sucks!

Clearly Cassidy’s orders were never fulfilled. All they had was random snippets of poor quality footage. How on earth were they going to tell the man himself?

* * * *

Please note that we have just enough source material to outline what happened at the meeting. As always we have filled in the blanks with our rather lacklustre imaginations:

When the ragtag team finally admitted that there was no way they could even pull a trailer together–let alone a pilot episode–they turned their attention to how they were going to break the crushing news to Cassidy.

After brainstorming the best approach, the team decided they would just invite him in and be done with it. They knew that the dream was over for all involved so a weight had been lifted off their shoulders. They no longer had to pussy foot around an increasingly turbulent Cassidy.

“So what has my team of wizards conjured up?” Cassidy said as he stormed into the meeting room, his nose caked in snow. “What are we rolling with? I’ve almost secured a late night slot on this new shopping channel which needs to make a lot of money very quickly.”

Everyone momentarily had the same confused realisation: Cassidy was so far gone that he was now willing to pay television channels to play his cyberpunk series that didn’t even exist. Yet nobody bothered to ask questions. They had all accepted their fate.

“Well,” some brave soul said. “It’s over, Cassidy.”

“That’s good. In fact that’s really fucking good. So let’s boot Marty out of his bachelor pad and rig up the projector.”

“No, Cassidy, we mean it’s over.”

“I’m not a fucking first grader, Sourpuss. I know what over means.”

Somebody else bangs their fist on the desk and yells: “We mean it’s over, you fucking nitwit! Cyberia is fucked. It’s dead, gone, buried. In fact it’s worse than dead: it’s been placed inside a fucking spacecraft and catapulted into outer space. It is currently drifting towards Planet Garbage for the rest of eternity.”

Cassidy just stood there, collecting his thoughts. Meanwhile everyone waited to see what he would possibly say. After a few moments, he took his first baby step towards reality.

“Let’s turn it into a Japanese cartoon.”

Before anyone could reply, Cassidy ran out of the room while telling everyone that he was late for an important meeting.

* * * *

The wizards discussed whether or not to leave. We know that five wizards did just that. However, the remaining wizards reasoned that the next time Cassidy enters the room, they’ll make him understand that it’s truly over and then pull the curtains. In the meantime somebody doodled cartoon characters to pass the time while everybody handed round a massive joint, discussing their next move in life.

After a couple of hours Cassidy came swaggering in again.

“The good news is that I’ve just got off the phone with none other than Walter Disney. All we have to do is fire over the pilot and we will have a prime-time slot.”

“Do you not remember the last conversation we had?”

“Of course.”

“Then what did we tell you?”

Cassidy drew a blank as he tried to remember.

“Nope, you’re going to have to remind me.”

“Cyberia is officially dead and buried.”

“Then let’s apply the de…filibuster.”

“Fuck this prick,” somebody said as they stormed off. “I’ll see you in court.”

Cassidy turned to the remaining wizards.

“What’s his beef?”

Three more people exit the room while mumbling among themselves. Now only one wizard remains and his name is Ryba.

“Cassidy, please, listen carefully to what I’m about to say because after I’ve said it, you’ll never see me again.”

“Has somebody died?”

“The whole Cyberia dream has died.”

“What about the cartoon version?”

“There’s nothing left, Cassidy. It’s over.”

“What the fuck you talking about?”

The last of the wizards put his hand on Cassidy’s shoulder. “For what it’s worth, I reckon there was a germ of a great idea here. But it just wasn’t meant to be. So long, Cassidy.”

Cassidy could only watch as his only buddy Ryba disappeared through the door. He stood alone, frozen in time. After a few minutes Cassidy lay down on the floor in the fetal position.

“I hope I made you proud,” he whispered before crashing out on the itchy carpet for all eternity.

* * * *

But it doesn’t end here. It doesn’t

---

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