“I only go after the bad guys, but that distinction is getting harder to make in Cyberia.” –Scotch Mike

District: Unknown although he spends most of his time in Megacorp Valley

Occupation: Private detective with a relatively clean conscience.

Scotch Mike doesn’t drink scotch and his real name isn’t Mike. He’s a private detective who is teetotal and whose real name is Arthur Snargate. But not many people in Cyberia know this.

Scotch Mike has two critical objectives. The first is to remove his augmented “superbrain chip” in his hippocampus so he can return to being 100% Sap once more.

The second critical objective is to exterminate his enemy number one: the CEO of SKARS Corp, Lord Garf who has a monopoly on augmentation tech and private data sharing. Scotch Mike deems these two things as being the worst atrocities since the Second Cold War. Not to mention Garf’s growing ability to turn all Saps into zombie servants.

If Scotch Mike can take him down then his evil empire will follow. This would cause a domino effect, crippling all of the nasty megacorps in Cyberia. Humanity could then, according to some notes written by an anonymous employee, “plant some trees, grow some crops, live at one with Mother Nature, smoke some weed, play some video games and finally achieve world peace until the next existential threat comes along”.

The difficulty is that Lord Garf has so much candy that his security measures are considered impenetrable; even by elite hackers such as Good Boy Ray. Regardless, Scotch Mike is determined to behead the “end boss of all end bosses” just as soon as he can.

But in order to achieve megacorp oblivion, Mike must recruit some of the finest hearts and minds in Cyberia. He turns to several of them throughout the series, hoping to make a deadly strike once and for all.

Interestingly the shadowy Cyberia Council doesn’t get a mention. We think the character team forgot all about it or simply didn’t know that somebody else had created it. Either way, in this scenario it became a dead duck drifting along a pond poisoned by human excrement.

It’s also worth noting that if there’s a “main man” in the Cyberia Universe then it’s definitely Scotch Mike. He is central to the nauseating trope that megacorps are evil and so the good people alive in ’88 should boycott McDonald’s which, at the time, was causing other fast food restaurants to collapse all across America. An injustice that the Give Me Head team really couldn’t give a hoot about.

Preferred Weapon: The Pumper. A dual handgun that can either shoot bullets to kill or inject microchips to track.

Tea or coffee: Coffee all the way, baby.

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