“I know everything there is to know about that horrorshow hatchback you drive.” –Barry X

District: Greaser suburbs

Occupation: Part-time muscle car modder, full-time greaser.

Barry has full protection of the Puerto Rican greasers even if he doesn’t grease his do. His two main buddies are Earl and Bronqo who both work with him on numerous lucrative auto schemes.

Barry can turn scraps of metal into anti-tank armour. He also dabbles in the illegal trade of augmenting gas junkies. If somebody wants to steer vehicles or switch gears by thought alone, Barry is your man. Just keep it on the lowdown.

According to some notes written by an anonymous Give Me Head employee, this augmentation technology gets shipped in from Tokyo. Anyone caught selling or using this technology will be arrested by the Cyberpigs. They will then get slapped about like a sexbot’s arse and released into the sewers where they’ll regain consciousness and have to find their way home. And that’s if they’re lucky. They might just shoot you on the spot if their daily murder quota hasn’t  been met8

At the centre of the greaser narrative is an emerging turf war with the mafia over at the Russian Quarter. The mafia’s boss, Count Maxim, is expanding his huge portfolio of law breaking businesses. This includes auto trade which is really the exact sort of modding Barry has spent his whole life perfecting.

The greasers are well aware of the impact this will have on not only the gang’s finances but their whole way of life. And yet these  Russians know fuck all about muscle cars.

One possible bonus in all of this is that Bronqo has been dealing with a VIP Japanese businessman and friend of the Yakuza for several years. This allows the greasers to source highly lucrative vehicle parts directly from Tokyo. Unfortunately, loyalty in Cyberia doesn’t speak half as loudly as candy and so the greasers need to tread carefully.

If they can cut Maxim out of the Tokyo imports trade as well as winning the looming turf war against the Russian mafia then the future is bright and it will be business as usual. Both of these war aims are Tricky McDicky but not impossible.

After reading through most of the materials we currently have in our possession, we honestly wouldn’t know which horse to back in this turf war which, if you haven‘t already, you’ll find out soon enough by clicking around this project. However, we will say that our sympathies lie with the greasers as they are some cool mother fuckers whereas the Russians seem dodgy,

Biodata: 79

Preferred Weapon: Butterfly comb. A nifty hi-def haircomb that conceals a chrome butterfly blade. Popular among the Puerto Rican greaser gang as it can be concealed in your underpants as well as your sleeves.

Favourite snack: salted cockroach powder sprinkled onto miso noodle soup.

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