“Whatever you’ve heard about the Cyberpigs is just rumours. We take our job very seriously. Oink! Oink!” –Officer Downe

District: The Pleasure Strip

Occupation: Cyberpig.

Officer Downe was recruited into the Cyberpigs at the tender age of 18. One night he had visited the Flying Arm Bar where Pat works. He played pool all evening for candy and was on a winning streak.

Some punk called Wombat had challenged Downe to a one round double or quits game. It was going to be his last of the night.

When the game commenced, something didn’t seem right to Downe. Wombat won but only by a whisker.

After Wombat sunk the 8 ball, Downe handed his candy code over and went to the gents to let off some steam. As he smashed up a sink, some other punk wandered into the gents.

“You should save your energy for smashing Wombat’s face in,” he said.

“The fuck you chatting about?”

“I know for absolute certain that you’ve just been swindled.”

“Oh, really now?”

“The mother fucker Wombat has a very expensive pair of stealth Viv Bastards.”

“I’m listening,” Downe said while scratching his chin.

“Wombat cannot lose. But not only can he not lose, he can play as if he could lose but he never really does.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“He’s running the ‘authenticity’ upgrade. It means he can win a game, but only by a little bit as to avoid accusations of cheating.”

“You’re fucking kidding me?”

“He’s been running this scam for the last month. You’re the latest victim and the next one’s pending.”

“I’ll fucking kill him!”

As those words stumbled out of his mouth, Wombat entered the gents.

“Man, that was close,” Wombat said with a shit eating grin. “We should play again sometime.”

Downe replied by punching him hard in the face, knocking him clean out. He then dragged his carcass back to the pool table and flung him on top. Downe mounted him and kept punching until Wombat no longer had a head which took about half an hour. All that was left was a puddle of blood and gristle.

The fella who’d told Downe about Wombat’s scam was gleefully broadcasting the whole thing live on his Skanna while providing running commentary.

When Downe finally climbed off the pool table, caked in all kinds of goo, the guy with the camera turned to him.

“Man, you should sign up at the Screamer Arena! Is there anything you’d like to say to your new fans?”

“Don’t cheat at pool,”

As Downe searched Wombat’s pockets for his candy code, the door of the bar exploded open. Everyone except for Downe dived behind furniture.

Within a heartbeat, several Cyberpigs had entered the bar and immediately arrested Downe. This seemed like a strange turn of events because the Cyberpigs don’t usually get involved with petty disputes.

Regardless they marched Downe out of the bar. Waiting for him outside was none other than Brutus.

“That was spectacular,” Brutus said. “Especially for a piglet. Would you like to make a career out of mindless violence?”

“Fuck yeah!”

So that night, Downe became Officer Downe and fit right in with some of the most unhinged bastards Cyberia has to offer.

At this point we would like to make just one tiny observation: this is a copy and paste job of Brad’s backstory. Out of the two, we prefer this one by a country mile. However, somebody in the Give Me Head team has a lot to answer for and we might know who it is…

Preferred Weapon: TAKI-XZ

Favourite snack on the job: A fruitfly and custard donut, of course!

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