“[Incomprehensible]” -Larry

District: Roadkill Boondocks

Occupation: Apprentice of the Hell Fire Crew and former village idiot.

To give you a flavour of this playable character, his own crew refers to him as Wet Fart Larry. This is on account of his inability to string a sentence together. He is the snotling of the Cyberia Universe.

However, we have some sympathy because he’s only fifteen years’ old and grew up without a father figure. He had a mother, but she was strung out on petrohol (a homebrewed liquor mixing petrol and alcohol together) and some piss poor imitation of Gunther’s crystal.

Larry comes into the picture when he signs up to assist Gordon and Finderz on a routine gas station hold-up. He had been on several before and understood this operation to be low level and low risk which it normally was. This time, however, it was a disaster.

As we know from the Boondocks saga, their group effort to rob a gas station is met with fierce resistance from reformed ex-Cyberpig Brad. Brad has hit the “chaos disco” security button. Bullets are flying and everyone has taken cover.

Larry is quickly cut off from Gordon and Finderz. He’s lying facedown on the floor with his fingers in his ears, waiting to be shot dead.

At this junction, everybody’s fate depends on dice rolls and decision making. The notes we have found on this scenario outline a preferred resolution which they think will be the best launch for the four characters.

To summarise it: Brad swiftly disarms Gordon and Finderz, and proceeds to lecture them on how one time he was young and silly just like them but now he’s a good guy who volunteers to rescue kittens at weekends etcetera. He then gives them both a free gooseberry extract and pickled cockroach smoothie, and tells them to think long and hard about the sort of life they want to lead. Surprised they’re allowed to live, the two goons disappear.

The next day, Brad discovers Larry for the first time. He trips over him while mopping up. Larry is still lying facedown with his fingers in his ears, waiting to die. Brad leans down and taps him on the shoulder.

“P-p-p-please!” Larry wails. “Make it quick and p-p-p-painless!”

“I’m not going to shoot you, kid. I just need to mop up that piss you’ve been lying in.”

“Thank you,” Larry says as he scrambles to his feet.

“What’s your name?”

“Larry.”

“And where are you from, Larry?”

“The bloody Boondocks. I need to get back there and take the punishment for yesterday’s failed hold-up.”

“Forget that,” Brad says. “I used to be young and wreckless just like you. But these days I lead an honest life. Rather than murdering innocent people every day, I volunteer to teach kids how to channel their anger through poke jitsu. I’ll take you under my wing.”

“Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

And so Larry was soon farting with confidence. They were strong, umami farts that devastated any room he found himself in. 

It’s nice to see a gump reminiscent of Boriz turning their otherwise shit life around.

Preferred Weapon: Yeti-XX213. Don’t be fooled: this baby is a catapult posing as a handgun.

Tell us what the meaning of life is, Larry: “[Incomprehensible]”

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