“If you want the best crystal pizza in Cyberia then I can get it to you in less than half an hour during off-peak hours. If you want to quit forever then I’m here to talk.” –Alberto

District: Little Amsterdam

Occupation: Gunther’s drug mule.

Alberto used to be a crystal sewer rat, wallowing in nocturnal shadows and only facing daylight to rob, cheat, beg, borrow, steal, plead and purchase crystal.

Up until this point, Alberto’s story isn’t unique in Little Amsterdam. Everyone here is on the brink of self-destruction. At a hundred a day, the district’s daily death count is the highest in Cyberia. Every social interaction results in squabbles, lies and violence. The Cyberpigs rarely show up and only ever do to beat up the street punks and “confiscate” their drugs.

What is unique about Alberto’s story is that after Gunther took him on as a drug mule, he found a way of kicking the habit. The detox was brutal and at one point he suffered a flesh eating infection that gnawed off most of his face. However, with the same grit and determination as a Screamer Arena warrior trying to beat Joey Knuckles, he gripped tightly and held on to the bitter end.

Once on the other side, the further Alberto got away from his last hit, the more his life steadily improved. It wasn’t long before he could smell things again. Granted, Little Amsterdam only stinks of puke and plop wherever you go, but these two disgusting things had never smelt so good.

As Alberto returned to the land of the living, he would begin to chat with the punks he was delivering crystal to. He would tell them all about how amazing this place called Little Amsterdam is and what they were missing. Most didn’t really care. They’d snatch their parcels and disappear into damnation, telling him to fuck off.

But Alberto wasn’t giving up. If he could get just one punk to take him seriously then he wanted to set up a rehab centre. His employer and local philanthropist Gunther had already agreed to fund it as he was also becoming concerned with the way things had deteriorated in the district since he was a nipper. But in the meantime his primary role remained cooking up the best crystal in town.

Alberto’s secondary mission was to gather intel on the person who dared to infiltrate Little Amsterdam’s crystal marketplace. That little fucker was going to rue the day!

Preferred Weapon: The Bastardanator which arguably should be spelt Bastardinator.

Advice for future drug mules: If you want to do some good in the world then deliver the best drugs with the highest of highs to addicts and tell them all about how much better life is without it. Even if just one listens then you’ve done some good in the world.

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