“I know I’m sexy to the average Sap, but I ain’t no sexbot.” -Irene

District: The Pleasure Strip

Occupation: Nightclub flirt.

Irene is another employee of the Hanz empire. In an unashamedly sexist way, her job is to flirt with idiot metropunks and ask them to buy her a drink. If she hits the jackpot then the mark agrees to buy her a cocktail called the Peach Pussy and goes to the bar only to find out it costs an extortionate amount of candy.

At this point, the mark activates the fight or flight response and enters a state of confusion. Approximately 99 out of a hundred marks will run while just one will begrudgingly go through with the purchase, doing quick calculations in their heads, convincing themselves that this will get them laid so the purchase will ultimately be worth the candy.

By the time they return to the table, Irene has long disappeared through a hidden door and is already receiving 75% of the profit while Hanz pockets the other 25%. Irene then watches the mark getting kicked out on the security screens and thus she returns to the nightclub, looking for the next goon.

She is also close buddies with Tosh, which in some ways is fortunate for her because things are about to get extremely messy.

The following is a summary of a scene which features the Irene character for the very first time:

Shortly after the club closes, Irene says goodnight to her work buddies and heads off to Cherubz for some debauchery. A lapse in security offers a ten second window where nobody can see her. During this ten seconds, a couple of metropunks wearing black suits and piggy masks grab hold of Irene and chuck her into the boot of a truck. They speed off and take her to an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of the Pleasure Strip.

After chaining Irene to a radiator on the top floor, the punks reveal themselves as two victims of her Peach Pussy scam. Worse still, they have been running a support group for all the numpties who have fallen victim to her over the previous couple of years.

When the group began to entertain the idea of getting their candy back, they decided that they might as well go the whole hog and get their grubby mitts on a small slice of Hanz’s massive fortune. The stakes are high, but the reward would be astronomical.

Handing her a Skanna, the metropunks tell Irene that she has 48 hours to organise a huge payment in candy otherwise it’s curtains. She better get calling everyone who might be able to help meet the ransom.

For some unbeknown reason she calls Tosh first–who’s originally from the Roadkill Boondocks which is the poorest district in Cyberia–while her captors listen in. At this precise moment in time, Tosh and Yan are making their way to the Pleasure Strip.

When Tosh answers his Skanna, Irene begs him to save her. She also tells him not to mention anything to Hanz because he would probably rather see her dead than spend a nugget saving her skin.

Tosh tells her not to worry, that he’s on his way to the Pleasure Strip with his old buddy Yan and they will sort it all out. He then asks how much candy is needed.

When her captors tell him, Tosh’s heart implodes while his arse explodes.

“Don’t worry about a thing, Irene,” he says unconvincingly. “We’re going to sort it. We’ll call you back very soon.”

He hangs up and turns to Yan.

“What is it, Tosh.”

“You’re not going to fucking believe this…”

Preferred Weapon: The Kitty Kat. Notice the spelling change on the collectors’ card. There’s no explanation.

Best thing about living in the Pleasure Strip: “There’s always a disco dance floor to hop on and let yourself go. Even if it is full of sex pests.”

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